This guest post by Susan Gadd is the final installment of our “Marriage on The Rock” Front Porch Friday series.
If you’ve been married for any length of time at all, you’ve probably discovered that building and maintaining a strong marriage is hard work. It’s not for lazy, selfish, or neglectful people. The pressures, distractions, and temptations of everyday life alone are enough to weaken any relationship. To keep your marriage off the rocks, you must be deliberate and intentional about your marriage every day.
A healthy, successful marriage is not luck, it’s a choice. It’s a decision followed by a process. There aren’t any formulas, or 10-step plans to guarantee marital happiness. Marriage is a journey that two people travel together. In order to do that, you must be on the same road. You must be like-minded about the things that matter most in life. For example:
- Is the Bible is the ultimate and final authority in both of your lives?
- Do you both share the same standards, ethics, values, and morals?
- Are you both surrendered to the Lordship of Christ?
- Are you both living your lives for something greater than yourselves?
There is no greater joy than to journey through life with a man who is like-minded, who has a heart for God, and a heart for you. Not a perfect man, but a whole-hearted man. If you are married to such a person, then you are blessed.
But you may not be able to identify with a marriage like that. It could be that you find yourself in a marriage where you are “unequally yoked,” as the Bible says, because of your own poor choices.
You’ve probably heard people like to say that “sin is sin” to God, and it is. But not all sins are equal in terms of consequences. The truth is, when we choose to live independently of God, when we “lean on our own understanding,” and when we make wrong choice after wrong choice, the end result is sometimes a situation where there is no good solution. Only grace. But the glorious news is that God’s grace is always greater than our sin.
If you’re despairing because you’re in a miserable marriage, I would point you to “4 Ways To Defeat Despair” from Max Lucado’s new book, You’ll Get Through This (I had the blessing of hearing Max share these several months ago when he preached at at Prestonwood Church in Dallas):
- Lay claim to the nearness of God. You must determine that the Word of God will trump your feelings.
- Cling to God’s character. In changing times and uncertain circumstances, hold on to an unchanging God.
- Pray out your pain. Instead of praying that God will change your circumstances, allow God to use your circumstances to change you.
- Lean on God’s people. If you find yourself being tempted to withdraw from God’s people, recognize the source of that temptation — the enemy — and resist it.
The final and, perhaps, most important thing I want to leave with you in this Marriage on The Rock series is this:
Even if you had the most perfect husband on earth, even if he loved you unconditionally, and even if he understood and valued you every day of your life to the very best of his ability, that man will NEVER be enough to meet the deepest needs of your heart. Anyone, even on their best day, will at some point misunderstand you, disappoint you, hurt your feelings, expect too much of you, or not be available when you need him.
No person on this earth can ever meet your deepest needs because God never created you to be fulfilled by anything or by anyone other than Himself. Jesus is The Rock upon which all lives and marriages must be built. When you have a relationship with God where you are totally dependent upon Him to be the only One who can make life fulfilling and meet all of your needs, there will be no need for you to make demands of another human. That’s God’s way.
Precious sister, only one question remains: will you build your life and marriage on The Rock? Will you choose to do things God’s way, not your own way, and not the way of the world? Yes, it will require hard work. Yes, you will even despair at times. But God is your Rock. And He is enough.
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Susan Gadd is a wife, mom, grandmother, and Bible teacher. She and her opposites-attract husband Emory have been married 47 years, and they have enjoyed teaching and mentoring hundreds of couples for over 25 years at Sagemont Church in Houston, Texas.
Copyright © 2013. Susan Gadd.
All Rights Reserved. Used by permission.
Watch Session 7 of Marriage on The Rock with Susan and Laurie now!
Got a marriage question for Susan and Laurie? Post it below as a comment. If we receive enough questions, we may do a Marriage on The Rock Q&A episode . . . or two or three. Thanks!