[The following article is a guest post by Glee from the brand new blog HappySis.com. Read her full bio below. Are you interested in submitting a guest post? Click here for our guidelines.]
When I moved from Asia to Europe in 2011, I had high expectations; I thought I would be happier. My new husband and I would start building our home, I retired from teaching so I could work from home as a full-time blogger, I would have no boss and I could work the way I wanted. I was ecstatic!
But contrary to what I expected, my happiness plummeted during my first year in Europe. My sadness took a big turn and it spiraled into depression. I found myself asking God to take my life. I wanted to die from an accident because my fear of God was big enough to stop me from committing suicide. My depression was caused by three destructive habits which consumed me simultaneously.
photo credit: ann marie boyle via photopin cc
3 toxic habits that kill your happiness
1. The Habit of Self-Indulgence
I came from a humble beginning. Through my determination and with God’s help, I was able to complete my teaching degree by means of a scholarship. After I graduated, I worked nonstop for eight years to help my family overcome poverty and to finance my siblings’ education until they finished university.
When finally my family became financially independent, I indulged myself with all the things that were lacking growing up. Shopping became my new addiction. My husband financed my shopping spree. I built a large wardrobe and bought clothes, shoes and bags more than I could wear and use.
I thought that once I satisfied my cravings for material things, I’d be happy. But while shopping did a quick fix, once I got home I lost interest with the things I bought and I craved for more things. My shopping addiction became my rat-race for happiness.
The problem with indulging yourself with things or pleasures – whether it’s shopping, overeating, casual sex, drugs, alcohol or other vices – is that it does feel good for a moment. That’s why we do it, and we keep doing it, because we crave for that “feeling good” bit. But anything temporary and fleeting does not satisfy the soul, and it does not give true happiness.
Take Action:
“But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out” (1 Timothy 6:6-7).
It was not until I renewed my relationship with God and went back to reading the Bible that I learned to be content and to practice the discipline of restraint. If you find yourself giving in to your longings and desires in the name of happiness and you just can’t stop, seek God´s help and seek righteousness, and the Holy Spirit will give you courage to say “No” from the lures of self-indulgence and freedom through contentment.
2. The Habit of Self-Pity
Because my online business was just starting up, I didn’t have monthly income. I was financially self-reliant most of my life and I took pride in that. Becoming entirely dependent on my husband caused me to have self-pity.
I became overly sensitive and often took my husband’s comments out of context which led to arguments. The more we argued, the more I dwelt on my insecurity and self-pity.
Self-pity is a form of self-indulgence which is toxic. If you’re in the habit of feeling sorry for yourself, you will never be happy. You will take everything against you. You will always play the victim.
Take Action:
In order to stop your pity-party, stop focusing on yourself and on your insecurities. When Self is dominant, God is not. “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought” (Romans 12:3). When you allow life’s hurts to dictate your emotions, it manifests that you are thinking too highly of yourself. Instead, focus on all your blessings and give thanks to God. Gratitude is the solution to self-pity.
Sure, it’s not easy to stop feeling sorry for yourself when you experience rejection and injustice, but trust that “it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose” (Philippians 2:13).
3. The Habit of Self-Hatred
Self-hatred may result if you fail to live up to your own expectations, if you can’t forgive yourself of your past mistakes, or if you blame yourself for whatever wrong other people did to you.
In my case, it was my failure to live up to my own expectations, coupled with bitterness that caused me to be depressed. I always regarded myself as smart, but when it dawned on me that I was never smart in managing my finances when I gave all my money to my parents who also didn’t manage them properly, and I did not leave anything for me and my future, I felt anger towards myself and bitterness towards my parents. Self-hatred with bitterness would swing me back to self-pity. So it became an overwhelming pattern of unhappiness for me.
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Thankfully, I realized that I needed God’s help to overcome that challenge. I prayed every day. I could not overcome those toxic feelings on my own. I asked God to help me forgive my parents and myself. Whenever dark thoughts came back, I battled it with prayer right away. It took me a year to be free.
Take Action:
Forgiving yourself of your past mistakes is difficult especially if you look at the consequences of those mistakes with negativity. You cannot stop hating yourself for failing to meet your own standards if you continually look at yourself with pride, or if you let the negative conditioning from your past rule over you.
But you can overcome self-hatred by strengthening your relationship with God. “But the righteous shall be glad; they shall exult before God; they shall be jubilant with joy!” (Psalm 68:3). Self-hatred is a sign of a tormented soul, not a rejoicing spirit for whom God has done marvelous things. Your Father in Heaven is a forgiving God; He will help you forgive yourself.
Your Final Take Away
Habits are powerful. You do things every day out of habits. You’re usually unaware that you’re indulging in self-centeredness, self-pity and self-hatred because you do them on autopilot. It’s important to do a reality-check and identify if you’ve developed these three toxic habits which stop you from living happily, then replace them with positive ones. God is always ready to help if you will let Him.
Which habit has been most toxic in your own life – self-indulgence, self-pity or self-hatred? How has God helped you to overcome it?
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Glee inspires Christian women to grow in faith, confidence + happiness on her site, HappySis.com. She wrote The Happy Sister Devotional: 61 Days of Happiness and Inspiration for Women to encourage them to find happiness by having a close relationship with God. Get your copy now! |